Snore-lympics

I was in a pub having some tomato soup, the TV was on. Some strapping American lads were hurtling up and down a swimming pool; they got some gold medals.

The next half hour was a presentation ceremony, and close up shots of the lad’s willies in tight trunks, while they showed their medals to members of the press at the pool side over and over again. My conclusion was that if I had a willy that big, I’d probably sink!

Meanwhile, there was tomato on my nose as my head dipped forward into the bowl from time-to-time when I fell asleep.

Conspiracy theorists say the Zionists are going to bomb the Olympics in order to blame Iran, it would be very hard to do that as where would they find the people to bomb?

The organizers decided the best way to recoup the billions all this nonsense costs was not to allocate or sell any tickets, as having people at the events causes a security risk.

David Cameron, the British Prime Minister sent a text message to this brave bloke pictured here, thanking him for his allegiance to the crown and offering him an honorary knighthood in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours list.

The Somalian Tiddlywinks team are in the quarter final. Hooray!

I was raised in Africa just as the American President was, we’re soul brothers. He wanted to make me vice president. He said it did not matter that I wasn’t an American he isn’t either, but the “vice” part made me a bit skittish, I don’t know anything about vice, so I declined. Stuart Wilde