Brain Surgery for Beginners

Anyways….I’ve just finished my brain surgery for beginners (in Braille) postal course, and here I am tending to my first patient… “Doctor Stuie will see ya now….

Removing a Saline Drip

I was so excited. I love the sight of blood. It is so emotional. I reckon blood is a form of love—liquid love.

This lad here called Sebastien Wilde broke his wrist when he jumped off a ski jump and someone had forgotten to text him that the ground had been moved over a ways to the left for ecological reason.

It’s all to do with the bloody Brazilians cutting down the trees in the Amazon, as I explained to the lad on the gurney.

The very nice intern, who is very lowly compared to us surgeons, gives us a prescription for thirty hydro-morphine tablets (nice) and I offered him twenty bucks to slip an extra zero on the end of the script. What’s an inconsequential little zero between working colleagues? Labor relations after all?

We never did get the extra 270 tabs of morphine but we got a few points for trying hard.

My next patient was a road crash victim. I had to remove his head and put it in a red bucket* (see below).

A friend of mine was operating on a very, very, large lady in an ER room in New Orleans, she told me, when they were getting ready to make an insertion, they found a half-eaten Twinkie bar the patients had misplaced hidden in the rolls of the patient’s tummy fat. Eek! She couldn’t have washed very often.

I haven’t found any chockies yet, but I live in ’ope. (sw)

*Just kiddin’ —the bucket was green.