The Hindu’s & the Hin-Don’ts

Anyways… the Hindu’s have always been a mystery to me. Then God lent me a Hindu girlfriend for a year and a bit and I learned the Gayatri Mantra. It is a holy prayer of reverence and protection I say it many times a day (see link below).

Then the girlfriend sent me a luffly email saying how much she loved me and how grateful she was for all my kindness and she promptly fled never to be heard from again…she was very cruel to my friends, touch of the Hin-Don’t department!

It was probably a good thing. I was finding the pronunciation of prayers in Hindi very bothersome. I’m too old for new words, my head is very full of old clutter and information I don’t need.

M’ mate Sarbs, no turban (he looks after pop stars)

My mate Sarbs pictured here looks like a Hin-Do but in fact he’s Punjabi.

They are Sikhs, and they usually wear turbans. Almost all the Punjabi’s in the world drive taxis in Vancouver except this gentleman pictured here below that drives a buggy at London Airport—baby steps, baby steps.

Intense Buggy Driver Headed for Van. BC

He was kind to me. I promised to buy him a cab in Van B.C. if he ever got there.

M’ man Sarbs took me to darshan with an Indian Guru called Mother Meera.

Mother Meera

We sat in silence for many hours (it was kind of mind-numbing, like watching paint dry). I dropped off a few times and Sarbs whacked me in the ribs ‘cos he was worried I’d start snoring. Snoring at darshan is a big Hin-Don’t.

Then we went up the center aisle of the hall on our knees and we kneeled in front of the Holy Mother and she touched m’ head for a few seconds and then she stared into my eyes.

I did my best to pretend I was normal but she looked a bit in shock, as she opened her eyes real wide when she saw my mush looking up. She looked perplexed.

One is not allowed to speak so I couldn’t explain to her that all that stuff she has read about me that is written on the bog wall is not exactly true and I’m not Jack the Ripper after all.

The devotees bill the Indian Lady as the only living saint in the world.

Ya know those search engines that have crawlers like robots that go all round the Internet world looking for new material? Well, the Mother Meera people have the same.

It goes round all the souls of the world to make sure no one has improved up to sainthood to challenge for the poll pos’ in the Holy Person: Only-Saint-in-the-World Grand Prix.

Gurus Waiting For The Start

I asked a gentleman in the pissoire (gent’s rest room) using hand signals (not talking at darshan stretched into the loo as well as the main hall) if he’d ever heard of Saint Stuie of the Dog and Duck.

As I felt the Mother Merra’s HotBot crawler might have missed the nooks and crannies of the Dog and Duck.

The Dog & Duck

I even made a few origami figurines from toilet paper and paper hand towels to explain my ‘hidden saints’ theory in silence. The bloke must have led a sheltered life as he didn’t seem to click to the idea at all.

There are tribes of unknown saints wandering around the Gobi desert according to m’ mate Deepak Chopra, he reckons there are twelve Jewish blokes in the dunes someplace that are in fact the spiritual leaders of the world. One could have saints bloody everywhere.

Deepak is a Hin-Do in my view as he’s is very kind and polite and respectful of people, and he always been very nice to me.

Dr. Deepak Chopra

One wasn’t allowed to leave darshan before the bitter end so I excused m’ self for the loo a second time and there I constructed a make shift scaffold…..out of an upturned trash basket, four phone books and a length of rare Brazilian vine only found in the Amazon that I carry with me at all times.

Long Vines, Amazon

Upon which, I escaped through a small window marked “keep closed at all times”.

After that I had a Guinness to recover and supper with friends in a fancy restaurant called the Star of India, bloody good it was, definitely Hin-Do. (sw)