SW’s Latest Quotes March 2012

Quotes 2012

“Civil wars are not civil.”

“Common sense is quite uncommon.”

Describing a customer that’s a bit chaotic Stuart Wilde said “She is like the band on the Titanic warming up, at least she knows the tunes.”

“Most health problem people suffer are down to their DNA—Drugs, Nicotine, Alcohol.”

“When you lose your mirth,
you fall to earth.”

A bloke in the pub asked me “Are you Stuart Wilde?”
“I make every attempt not to be,” I replied. “Being Stuart Wilde is pure hell.”

“I saw a very large lady slip and fall in the street, she was huge, the pavement winced. I felt for her and the sidewalk.”

“The insanity of vanity is a debilitating disease.”

“Levitation has its ups and downs, I try to avoid it m’ self.”

“I’m not a man of secrets. I like people to say what they mean and mean what they say.”

“I’m surround by so many nutters and emotional basket cases, I’ve thought about getting some of those white straight jackets with the little strings that tie up at the back. I’ll put the Tolemac symbol on them and the words, ‘In String We Trust’. ”

“They say that how strongly you urinate indicate your level of Chi. I think I’m going to win the Grand National; I’m pissin’ like a horse!”

“The Bible says the wages of sin is death, but I reckon the wages of kindness is death, as no good deed seems to go unpunished in this world.”

“Gossip is a form of self-importance, a self-titillation that acts as a substitute for sex. Go for the real thing, much better.”